


Just One Rule

by msdaphne



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, Step Brothers (2008)
Genre: But you don't know the half of it, Gen, I know it was rough, fifty-fifty crack vs reflection on adolescence, honest to god attempt at humor, sorry mom and dad, step brothers au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-19
Updated: 2017-10-24
Packaged: 2019-01-17 21:18:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12374274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/msdaphne/pseuds/msdaphne
Summary: I have all these feelings about Poe and Leia's mother/son relationship, and so much anxiety about Poe being on the dark side of the poster(did Kylo do something to him? To hurt her?)I found myself thinking that what I would really love to read right now is some really doofy Poe & KyloStep Brotherscrack. I couldn't find any, so I decided to try to write it myself.





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Scene: The Organas have just moved in with the Damerons. Poe is 15, Kylo is 13. We open with their first dinner together as a family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried alt-justifying a txt conversation to look more realistic. It works on a phone but might be hard to read on a bigger screen. I would love it if folks let me know whether that convention works for them.

"You boys are so close in age. You must have some things in common."

The new couple smiled expectantly at their sons, who were bristling stiffly in their chairs and prodding at their plates with perfect concentration.

"Poe loves music," Kes offered, as an icebreaker.

"So does Kylo!" Leia beamed.

Kylo shrunk into his seat.

"Everyone loves music," Poe said, trying sound more wise than sullen. " _Animals_ love music."

The adults exchanged a Look.

Poe sighed.

"So, um, Kylo," he asked dully. "What, uh. What kind of music are you into?"

"Probably nothing you've ever heard of."

"Yeah, I don't really keep up with what you  _kids_ listen to."

Kylo's eyes narrowed.

"Neither do I. Today's music is  _garbage_."

Poe frowned, realizing his own jab had just been turned back on him. He actually did like a lot of top ten teen pop. 

"Try me. I've got like a jillion CDs."

"CDs?" Kylo looked extremely unimpressed.

"What? They're cheap. And mostly I just grab samples off em. I like to mix stuff."

"What, are you gonna be a _deejay_ when you grow up?"

" _No_. I just like making stuff. For my _friends_."

Kylo pouted and wiggled his head, obviously mimicking Poe's voice in his head.

"And he's taking guitar lessons," Kes tossed in. Kylo looked _even more_ unimpressed.

"What's wrong with guitar?" Leia asked.

"Nothing. It's just kinda, you know. Cliché."

"Yeah," Poe nodded, looking very serious. "I mean, I feel like I was born to play the organ."

"Poe," Kes muttered in a warning voice.

"But Dad says I have to wait til I'm older."

" _Poe_."

"Do you like Bach?" asked Kylo.

"What?"

"Bach? As in _Johann Sebastian_ Bach?"

"Oh. Right. Sure."

Kylo glowered down at his plate. Poe glanced up at Leia, who seemed pretty cool for a  _mom_. She really wanted them to get along.

"So... that's what you're into?" he tried again. "Classical? That's cool. Maybe we could do some mixes together. Something, like, trance-y or something."

"I'm mostly into industrial," Kylo sniffed. "Like, really old stuff you've probably never heard of."

"Like, uh... Ministry? Nine Inch Nails?"

Kylo rolled his eyes with a disgusted scoff.

"Like what, then?"

"Ever heard of Throbbing Gristle?"

Poe grinned. "No, but I like the sound of that."

Kes winced.

"You wouldn't like them," Kylo said airily. "Nobody likes them."

"I dunno, _sounds_ like something I would like."

"Poe. Please."

"What? I'm just trying to make friends with my _little baby_ brother."

Kes shot Leia an apologetic glance. She smiled and turned to Poe.

"So! I heard you're taking flying lessons."

"Yeah. I mean, I've been taking them for years."

"Slow learner?" Kylo asked.

"Kylo!" his mother admonished. "Don't be rude."

"I'm not _allowed_ to fly solo til I'm sixteen. I already have a slot booked for my birthday."

"And when is that, dear?"

"September."

"Oh." She looked surprised. " _Next_  September?"

Poe frowned at her, clearly concerned for her sanity. "Every September."

She laughed. "No, no, I just mean, you _just_ turned fifteen. You seem, um, very mature. For your age."

Both Damerons threw their heads back in full-throated laughter. Kes laughed so hard he cried and had to wipe his eyes.

"I like her, Dad. You picked a good one." 

 

* * *

 

Poe's eyes flashed around the bedroom, taking stock. He and Kes had cleared out half the shelves and closet, and squeezed in another desk for his new step brother to work at, but they'd moved in while Poe was at the library 'studying.' He was a little nervous that Kylo might have messed with his stuff. 

"What, you think I messed with your stuff?"

"I dunno. Wouldn't you?"

"My whole life is messed up. Since I had to move in _here_."

"Well it's an adjustment for me too," Poe growled. Then he rolled his eyes, took a breath, and said a little more kindly, "I mean, at least you didn't have to switch schools, right?"

"Yeah. Great. I get to keep going to  _school_. Lucky me."

"Look, this is your room too. Just- there's one rule."

"One rule. Yeah. I've heard that before. Right before someone yells at me for something else."

"Okay. One _important_ rule."

Kylo rolled his eyes back, and didn't bother letting them down.

"Don't touch my planes."

Kylo looked around at a dozen scale model fighter planes suspended from the ceiling with fishline, and scowled back at his phone.

"Planes are gay."

"I know, right?" Poe grinned. He picked up a tiny little matchbox of a biplane, unadorned but for Allied roundels. "That's a Sopwith Pup. Can you imagine the  _balls_ it took? But this is my favorite." He pointed to a heavily shod WWII fighter hanging from the ceiling, also Allied and painted camo, with decals of old-timey cartoons on the doors. "That's a Hawker Hurricane. This guy on the internet makes... decals of..."

He trailed off as he took in the expression on Kylo's face.

"I said your planes are _gay_."

Poe's eyes widened in outrage and his fists balled up. He spun toward the open door, opening his mouth wide to yell.

"What, are you gonna tell your dad I said a bad word?"

Poe spun back, glaring daggers.

"You want me to tell my dad, or you want me to nut-punt your pallid ass?"

" _Pallid_?"

"Pale. Wan. _Ghostly_."

"That's racist."

Poe gasped so hard he choked a little.

"Oh my god I fucking can't with this what the fuck are you even augh!" Poe stomped to his bed and slammed into it with a huff. He pulled out his phone and began texting furiously.

 

 

> **[**    **\---  Rey  ---  ]**
> 
> omfg help          
> 
>           ???
> 
> kyle and leia moved in today          
> 
>           I thought it was Kylo.
> 
> thats not a name          
> 
>           Well it's his name.
> 
> not the point          
> 
> the point is hes a h8er          
> 
>           Of?
> 
> teh ghey          
> 
> for one          
> 
> n i think hes racist         
> 
>           Isn't he just a kid?
> 
> 13          
> 
>           Maybe he's just never known anyone.
> 
>           You can be a good example.
> 
>           Teachable moments and all that.
> 
> i h8 him          
> 
>  

Kylo giggled.

"Holy crap, even your phone case is gay."

Poe clenched his teeth and gritted out " _Thank you._ "

The smile slowly fell away from Kylo's face, echoing the way Poe's had a moment earlier.

"Wait."

Poe didn't look up, he just kept texting angrily.

"Wait. You're not.. actually..."

"Gay? No, but my _boyfriend_ is."

"Very funny."

"Which, if you pull any of this bullshit in front of him, I will _murder_ you in your sleep. _Kyle_."

"MOM! _Moooooooom_!"

Kylo rushed out to the hallway as the adults came up the stairs looking worried.

"What is it, honey?"

"Poe said he's gonna murder me!"

The adults sighed.

"Look, we know this isn't gonna be easy at first, but-"

"MOM!"

"What?"

"You didn't tell me-" Kylo's voice dropped to a loud, urgent whisper. "You didn't tell me he's... _you know._ "

Kes chuckled over Leia's shoulder.

"I mean, I think he pretty much told you himself at dinner."

"No he didn't!"

The adults _tried_ not to smirk, and Kylo blushed as he realized that some of the conversation might have gone over his head.

"Listen, honey, you two are brothers, now. And you're teenagers. You have to find a way to work it out."

From inside the room, Poe snorted.

"I don't wanna sleep in here!" Kylo insisted.

"Well, there's a couch in the basement," Kes offered.

"No! Dad! That's my studio!"

"No," Leia shook her head. "We _just_ got his allergies under control."

"Besides," Poe yelled, "I kiss my _boyfriend_ there! If you go down there you'll catch our gay cooties and turn gay!"

Kes went in and stood next to Poe's bed, arms crossed.

"Poe. You're not helping."

" _He's_ not helping."

"He's thirteen, bud. I need you to be the grown-up here. Set a good example."

"I don't owe him anything."

"Well, you're older, so you kind of do."

"Bullshit."

"Poe. Look at me."

Poe stared obstinately at his phone.

"Poe. Stop being a jackass."

"I'm not being a jackass. I'm being a red hot _bitch_."

"Not. Helping."

"Don't. Care."

"You'll care if the two of you are _grounded_ for a week."

"NO!" the boys yelled in unison.

"Mom!"

"Dad!"

"You can't!"

"Listen," Leia addressed them both. "You don't have to get along. You just have to fight _quietly_ enough that we can't hear you. Okay?"

"Okay," Kylo mumbled.

Kes raised an eyebrow at his son, who opened his mouth, and then thought the better of it.

"Atta boy," Kes nodded.

Kylo sidled back into the bedroom, glaring at Poe through narrow eyes. Poe glared right back, mouthing _it's fucking on_.

 

* * *

 


	2. Chapter 2

* * *

 

"Debrief over a glass of wine?" Leia suggested.

"Hell yes."

She sighed while Kes filled two glasses from a mid-grade box of Shiraz.

"I swear, I didn't raise him to be like that."

"Said every parent, ever."

"Well still, I'm sorry."

"Right back at ya. Kids go through all kinds of phases. I wouldn't worry."

"It worries _me_."

"He's thirteen. Kids that age are allergic to any _mention_ of sexuality."

"Was Poe?"

Kes snorted.

"Poe was allergic to being _normal_."

"He seems perfectly normal."

"He is. But. He figured out pretty early that violating these," he pulled out the finger quotes, " _norms of masculinity_ really pissed people off."

"Is that what all the military stuff is about?"

"No, no, that's sincere. He's a huge aviation nerd. Just like his mom. It's all the," he waved his hand around loosely. "The queer identity stuff. He picked it up really young.  _Really_ young."

"Was he ever bullied?"

Kes rapped his knuckles against a wooden cabinet. "Nothing bad enough for me to have to step in. But then he was always willing to fight anyone who said boo to him."

"Fight? Really?"

"All ninety-eight pounds of him," Kes nodded. "Doesn't hurt that he has some big friends. Wait'll you meet Temmin. Seventeen going on twenty-five. I swear, if he's not buying them beer once in a while, he's wasting a gift from God."

Leia hummed fondly, remembering the days when one six-pack between a few friends was a  _score_.

"What about Kylo? He's a pretty big kid."

"Kes. He wears a  _cape._ "

"Not to school, though."

"Yes, to school."

Kes coughed. "Oh. Um."

"It's okay. You can laugh."

"No, I mean, if he's looking for attention, I'm here, I've got all kinds of projects we can work on. Or just, throw a football around? That'd be great."

"Poe doesn't do that, huh?"

"Oh, he does. But he does it  _ironically_."

Leia snorted, and then laughed out loud, and then completely lost hold of herself. It probably wasn't that funny, but Kes just had a way with words. It was one of the reasons she'd fallen for him so fast. And dinner had been so tense, and it felt so good to break the tension. They laughed together for a while, finally settling down and wiping their eyes and grinning at one another.

"I'm sorry," she started, setting off a few aftershock giggles.

"Oh, fuck, Leia. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing."

"Who does?"

"Honestly? For a while? I wasn't sure if he was really gay or just being an asshole."

"Being _provocative_ , you mean."

"Tomayto, tomahto."

She laughed again. "I remember. I get it."

"Wait - what do you remember?"

"I mean, I was accus-" She stopped short, shook her head. "When I was young, a lot of people assumed I was gay."

Kes' face shimmered between sympathy and curiosity, like a hologram on the front cover of  _Mad_ magazine.

"Maybe because I was- well, I wasn't provocative. I just didn't take shit from nobody."

"And you do now?"

"I... choose my battles."

"Yeah. Fuckin' life'll do that to ya."

They sipped their wine in silence for a moment.

"So you think Poe might learn to choose his battles some day?"

"I bet he does more than you think."

Kes sighed. "He's just so... so..."

Leia rubbed his shoulder.

"A friend told me once. If you're just a little bit obnoxious. Then if people reject you, it's like they're not really rejecting _you._  They're rejecting that persona."

Kes nodded, slipping into a wry smile. "Straight people do that too, you know."

"Tell me about it. You should meet my ex."

 

* * *

  

> **[**   **\--- Finn --- ]**
> 
> can i move in w u          
> 
>           What happened
> 
> leia and kyle moved in today          
> 
>           Thot it was kylo
> 
> thats not a name          
> 
>           ...
> 
>           So.................
> 
>           Whats she like
> 
> i like her          
> 
> very vest, very hair          
> 
> very style          
> 
> i hate kyle          
> 
>           ...
> 
> he called fighter palnes gay          
> 
>           YOU call fighter planes gay
> 
> n hes goth          
> 
>           I can be goth st
> 
> UNIRONICALLY goth          
> 
>           ...
> 
> knowing ev word to rocky horror          
> 
> doesnt make u goth          
> 
> its a musical gf          
> 
>            St i hate my life
> 
>           Thats goth
> 
> feeling u rn bud          
> 
>           Wish u were feeling me rn

 

Poe looked up automatically to see if Kylo was watching, and _of course_ he was.

"What are you staring at?"

"Why do you look guilty?"

"I don't."

"Are you _sexting_?"

"Maybe."

"Gross."

"You're gross. You're thirteen, you shouldn't even know what sexting is."

"Neither should you."

 _It's not like we're actually doing anything_ , he thought. But that was way more than he cared to share with _Kyle_.

>   
> 
> come over manana          

we can listen to kyles stupid music          

n make hot gay disco mixes          

n paly it for him          

          O good idea

          That will help

omg u sound like my dad          

          Si mijo

no          

          Talk at lunch?

dam rite          

          Sleep tight

          Dont have any wet dreams abt kylo

D:          

          XD

why would u          

          XD

monster          

          XD

its over i wanna divorce          

          But you lurv me

yea           

am i stuck           

was that in the eula           

          Read before u sign

          *hearty handshake*

o are we sexting now          

          oxoxo

xoxox          

          Ily <3

ily          

<3<3<3          

 

Poe turned his speaker on, made sure that Kyle hadn't hijacked it, and checked that his alarm was set. He snuggled into bed content with what an awesome relationship he had with Finn. The best thing was that they were friends, first. Some of their closest conversations probably looked or sounded like nonsense to anyone else. It was special, their secret little in-jokes and memes and _things_. They just got each other in a way that no one else could. He lurved Finn, and Finn lurved him. Life was great. In fact,  _Kyle_ was probably great; it had just been a rough first day. They'd work things out, maybe even come to like and respect one another like real brothers. He smiled and snuggled deeper.

 

_Teedil eeeh_

The hell?

_Teedle eedle ee teeeh_

"Dude, I can hear that from here. You're gonna make yourself deaf."

_Teedil eeeh_

"I know you can hear me! Turn it down!"

_Tee-eedle eedle eeeh_

There was no mistaking the  _Fugue in D Minor_ being played way too loud through earbuds.

"Seriously? And you said guitar lessons are clichè?"

_Tiddly diddly iddly iddly diddly iddly iddly iddly diddly_

Poe seethed up at the ceiling and resisted the urge to reach for his phone to text someone about this affront to his human right to a full night's sleep. He ran through his closest friends in his head, but they were all either asleep or trying to just as hard as he was. Rey was usually the first person at his fingertips. Technically, she was Finn's best friend, but he often ran stuff by her before he talked to Finn, because - well, he wasn't sure exactly why, but it seemed to work.

 _Just one rule_ , she'd glowered when she'd cottoned on to the pattern.  _If you call me after eleven, someone had better be dying._

Snap was probably still awake, but he'd just make fun of him. And then make fun of him more, tomorrow.

He pulled his phone under the covers. Dimmed the screen, opened the camera and turned off the flash and sounds. He snapped the glowing stars on his ceiling, which of course didn't come out, but he posted it anyway.

_My new step brother moved in today. He is currently pretending to be asleep, listening to dracula music so loud I can hear it from across the room. Oh, did I mention that it's 11:30 pm and I have to be up at 6:15 for school?_


	3. Chapter 3

_Kylo parried his opponent's thrust easily. He sidestepped, practically dancing, diverting the opponent's attention. His blade was like a part of his body as he seized the opening and scored the final point in the final match... the crowd of parents and siblings applauded. He bowed, his cape falling elegantly around his shoulders..._

_... what the hell was that? Was that a freaking banjo? Was that what they were applauding? They were supposed to be applauding for him!_

_Light, cheerful, female vocal harmonies... singing nonsense..._

 

He opened his eyes to a nightmare. He was in a freaking _nursery_. Full of _toys_. Big yellow plastic stars on the ceiling. Stupid plastic planes hanging over his head.

 _F-16_ , his brain suggested.

Oh. Right. Those were _Poe's_ planes.

Kylo didn't know an F-16 from his elbow, just that he was pretty sure it was one of the ones without propellers, and the one over his head didn't have them. He was also pretty sure that if he was too old for toys, Poe should be too.

And that wasn't a banjo. Even worse.

It was a freaking ukulele.

 

"Make it stop!" he moaned. "Poe! Dickbag! Your alarm!"

He rolled over, half expecting to see Poe grinning at him and at the _torture_ he was inflicting. But Poe seemed utterly dead to the world.

"Poe! Your _alarm_! You freaking fartknocker! Turn it off!" He didn't want to get up and confront him, so he pulled his pillow over his ears and yelled at Poe to wake up. Pretty soon Kes' voice joined his, pounding on the door.

"Kylo, buddy, get yourself decent. I'm coming in!"

Kylo pulled the blankets up over his head, muttering that it wasn't fair; he didn't have to be up for another hour.

"Poe!" Kes slapped at his feet. "Up and at 'em, champ. Hit the showers!" He threw a towel at his son's head. Poe groaned and sat up and finally turned his damn alarm off.

"Hhky m'm'up," he mumbled, and Kes closed the door again. Poe just sat there clutching the towel, blinking heavily, nodding until it looked like he was asleep again, sitting up.

"Do you take a long time in the shower?" Kylo asked.

"Hhh?"

"Can I pee first?"

"Yeh."

Poe collapsed back into bed.

 

Kylo peed, and flushed, and washed his hands. He looked at himself in the mirror. Then he looked a little closer, taking inventory of his zits. He washed his face, and popped a couple of the biggest ones. He opened the cabinet and pulled some products off his shelf and began his morning routine, assessing which product to use on which blemishes. He even hummed a little, until he realized he was humming the stupid ukulele song.

 

Ten minutes later Poe was pounding on the door.

"Kyle! _Kyle_!"

"There's no one in here by that name," he sang out cheerfully.

" _Buttnugget_! Get out, I gotta take a shower!"

"You said I could go first."

"You said you were just gonna pee!"

"I didn't say I was _just_ gonna pee."

"Ohmigod you asswipe what the hell."

"Sorry bro! I gotta get ready for school!"

 

Leia and Kes were drinking coffee, watching _Morning Joe_ and shaking their heads over the latest horseradish malarkey in the news.

"God, can you believe?"

"I know."

"Tch."

"Pff."

"I know it's shallow, but. She is just _so pretty_."

Kes hummed in agreement, before quickly adding, "And smart."

"She's been a good influence on him."

"Yeah she has."

Poe stomped down the stairs in his boxers with the towel over his shoulder.

"Dad! Can I use your shower?"

"What? Why are you naked? And- Jesus, Poe, look at the damn time!"

"Kylo won't get out, he's hogging the bathroom!"

Leia swore as she stood up and marched up the stairs.

"Please, Dad?"

"No." Kes shook his head. "You two need to figure out how to share your space."

"Just this one time!"

" _And_ you need to learn to get yourself up on your own."

"But _Dad_. I can't go to school without a _shower_!"

"Put on extra deodorant."

" _That's not how deodorant works_! I mean, I know your generation didn't get comprehensive health education, but-"

"I got all the health class I needed from Uncle Sam."

"Gah!" Poe stuck his fingers in his ears and turned back toward the stairs.

"Change your socks every day, and wear a hat so you don't get cauliflower dick!" Kes yelled after him.

"La la la la la la la," Poe yelled as he bounded back up the stairs, suddenly remembering the box of Lavender Breeze baby wipes in his top drawer.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does it make sense for Star Wars to exist as movies in this AU? No. But this fic didn't come here to make sense.

Kylo got dropped off from fencing practice and climbed the stairs, hoping Poe might not be home. He hoped even more that he wouldn't be there with his supposed boyfriend.

He was home, but he was sitting on his bed with a _girl_ , a girl with long, artificially lemon-yellow hair. Their eyes were wide and fixed on the screeching phone in front of them, but they didn't miss him peering in. Too proud to back away, he nodded, went to his desk, opened his computer and let his hair fall down around his face.

"Hello _, Kyle_ ," Poe intoned a la Seinfeld. Kylo supposed that of all the things he could have said, that wasn't that bad. It didn't seem like something you said to someone you truly hated. In fact, it was practically an invitation for him to respond _Helloo, Poe._ But before he could make up his mind, Poe yelled, "Ow!"

He looked up through his hair to see Poe rubbing his bicep and the girl waving at him.

"Hi Kylo. I'm Jess."

"Um. Hi. Jess. I can go work someplace else if you guys, uh."

"Nope," Poe said quickly. "We're going to go make sandwiches." There was a little motion between them, and then, "What?  _What_?"

Poe sighed. "Do you want us to make you a sandwich, Kyle? _Ow_!"

Kylo smiled at the sound of his stepbrother being elbowed in the arm again.

"Say it. Say his name."

"No, that's not a real na-a-agh!"

There was a sloppy thunk as they landed on the floor together, arms and legs everywhere.

"Say it."

"It's not a real name!"

"Neither is Jessifer."

"But you wanted to be blonde! Ow!"

"You can't call me Jessifer anymore until you say Kylo's name."

"Fine," Poe sighed. "Kyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyylllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll..." the syllable faded out and he inhaled dramatically.

"You're such a brat."

"What, I ran out of breath!"

She glared down at him, pinning his wrists to the floor, although it looked like he could get out of it pretty easily if he wanted to.

"If I decided I want everyone to call me Poe-Ra, would you do it?"

"Ra as in the ancient sun god, or as in She-Ra?"

"Pretty sure they're the same? Like that's where she got her name?"

"Fine. I'll call you Poe-Ra if you stop being such a jerk to your brother."

" _Step_ brother," they corrected, simultaneously.

"Jinx!" Poe cried. "You can't talk now."

Kylo dropped his head into his hands. They were in _high school_. And they were playing little kid games? Maybe they were on drugs? He promised himself he would never be like this when he got to high school.

 

"Say his name or I'll tickle you."

"No! Jessifer!"

"You can't call me that."

"This is bullshit! I'm being attacked in my own home!"

"You should watch this, Kylo, so you know where his tickle spots are."

" _No_!" Poe shrieked, turning easily out of her grasp. They wrestled again for a minute, ending up back in the same position.

"Say it or I'll tell everyone where your tickle spots are!"

"Ugh, _fine_. You can talk again, _Kylo_."

 

Kylo wanted to say something snarky, but he supposed he should be polite after Jess had stood up for him.

"Uh. Thanks. Do you guys want, like, privacy?"

"Wait." Poe sat up abruptly, accidentally head-butting Jess. 

"Ow," they said in unison, but Poe didn't jinx  _her_.

"What's with this quiet, innocuous act? What happened to me being a _buttwipe, douchebag, fart farmer_?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Kylo sniffed.

"Don't buy it, Jess! He's just being nice because you're here!"

"Guess it's a good thing I'm here, then."

Poe made a vague, but loud, noise of being hopelessly aggrieved.

"I thought you guys were gonna make sandwiches."

"Yes" Jess said decisively, pulling Poe to his feet. "You want one?"

"No, thanks."

"We'll make you one anyway."

"You're lucky she's such a boss," Poe shook his finger at Kylo.

"You're lucky Poe's so ticklish."

"Poe- _Ra_!"

"Fine, Poe-Ra. Let's go."

 

* * *

  **[ --- Hux --- ]**

He's so weird.          

          Who?

Kylo frowned at his phone. Who the hell else would he be talking about? Finally, after several minutes, it pinged.

          Your brother?

Step brother. And yes.          

          What'd he do now?

He was wrestling with a girl.          

I think he let her beat him.          

          Thought you said he was ghey.

Yeah?          

 

There was another long pause. When he didn't write back, Kylo rolled his eyes. Sometimes Hux was kind of a dick.

She's nice tho.          

          Do you like her?

Not like that.          

Shes like 15.          

          You like her.

No.          

 

There was another long silence, and this time he wouldn't be the one to write back first. After a few minutes of trying to concentrate on any one of his assignments, he gave up and decided what he really needed was a snack. Maybe he could grab some cookies and cheese without getting in the teenagers' way.

 

Poe slumped his shoulders with an exasperated _uhh_ when he saw Kylo, but Jess continued to be friendly. It occurred to him to wonder whether she was really being nice, or just trying to torture Poe.

"Kylo! Glad you're here! You can be the tiebreaker."

"Of what?"

"We made three kinds of sandwiches and we're gonna pick the best one."

"Well, technically, you need four people, then."

"Nh, nnhnhnh, nh nh nnh nhnh, nh." Poe mimicked him.

"Grow up, Poe-Ra. So, I'm not gonna tell you whose is whose, okay? This ones egg, cheese and relish. This one's egg, cheese and chutney, whatever that is."

"And mustard."

"And mustard."

"And sriracha."

"And sriracha. And this one's peanut butter and sauerkraut."

"And sriracha."

"You guys are weird."

"Us?" Poe scoffed. "Dude, you're wearing a freaking _cape_!"

"So?"

"You can't say I'm weird for making a simple egg sandwich if you're wearing a cape! _Indoors_!"

" _Poe,_ " Jess groaned.

"Poe- _Ra_."

"Help me cut these sandwiches."

"How do you cut a sandwich in thirds?"

"No, in _quarters_ , dummy."

"But,"

"That way if we like different ones, we can get extra of the one we like."

"What if we all like the same one?"

"Just cut the freaking sandwiches."

They doled out the samples on each plate. Kylo mumbled thanks but watched warily until he saw the other two hadn't run gagging to spit any of them out.

"But seriously," Poe said. "Name one person who wears a cape."

"The Phantom of the Opera."

"Is a rape-y creep."

"Darth Vader."

"Is a _mass murderer_."

"He was misunderstood."

"By, like, his own self!"

"He was manipulated. He was good, in the end."

"No he wasn't!"

Jess tilted her head. "I'm afraid I have to agree with Poe on this one."

" _Poe-Ra_."

"Anakin realized in the end that he was wrong. That doesn't make him good. It makes his life a tragedy, but it doesn't make him good."

"I guess," Kylo frowned.

"Also." Poe cleared his throat. "I meant real people."

"Like, Sir Walter Raleigh?"

"Oh, yeah, another great role model."

"You asked."

"That was like a thousand years ago. And I bet he didn't wear it _inside_."

"I bet he did."

"It's clearly intended as _outerwear_."

"Wait," Jess smirked. "So you're saying _Lando_ was walking around in a fashion _faux pas_ all the time?"

Poe's mouth opened and closed a couple of times.

"Hah!"

"No, wait. The whole city was inside."

"Exactly."

"So the main corridors and atriums-"

"Atria."

"-were basically like streets and plazas. It's the same as being outdoors."

"So, what would be like being indoors? Like, his private quarters?"

"Yeah, I gue-" Poe stopped. He looked at Jess and his eyes slowly narrowed. She snickered with glee.

"I see what you did there. Real funny, Jess, real mature."

"Eat your sandwich, princess."

"Eat your sandwich, Becky."

 

God, they were so weird.

 

"I'll tell you who else can keep the cape on."

" _We know_."

"Orson Krennic."

" _We know._ "

"Wait," Kylo stopped just before taking another bite. "Are you guys talking about _sex_?"

"Oh, sorry to offend your virgin ears," Poe said, with a flourish of what he probably thought was Victorian femininity.

"Believe me," Jess apologized, "I can't wait for him to actually do it, so he'll stop talking about it so much."

Poe gasped at her as if mortally wounded.

"Just saying."

"Well, _you_ don't talk about it much."

Kylo frowned at Poe. "Wait. He's a bad guy."

"One of the worst. But some guys just look really good in white. Others," he gestured at Kylo, "look really weird in black."

"He's like, forty."

"So's your mom, and she's hot."

Kylo had too many thoughts about that to get into his mouth in an orderly fashion. He looked to Jess, feeling like he'd been lured into a trap with the sandwiches.

"Don't be rude," Jess scolded, unfortunately sitting across from Poe and out of reach from his tenderized arm.

"It's not rude! It would be rude if I said I wanted to eff her, but I don't!"

Kylo slammed his fist on the table.

"My one rule? Is don't talk about my mom like that!"

"I wasn't!" But Poe looked a little chastened. "I wasn't. I wouldn't. I just think she's pretty. And cool, and super nice. I really like her. Seriously, Jess, you should ask her to braid your hair."

Jess looked at Kylo with a very skeptical eyebrow. He nodded seriously.

"Jessifer," Poe said, also very seriously. "She freaking defies gravity. It makes me want to grow my hair out again."

Jess laughed out loud.

" _Nothing_ should make you want to grow your hair out again, Poe, my love."

"What? It wasn't that bad."

"Eighth grade," she shook her head sadly at Kylo.

"Do - do you have pictures?"

"Yes!" She pulled out her phone.

Poe's chair almost tipped over as he leapt up. Jess was ready for it. He chased her around the table once and out into the living room. They were thunking around on the floor and yelling again when Kylo's mom walked in.

"Hi honey!" She was surprised to see him here and not up in his room. She kissed him on the head.

"How was your day?"

"Okay I guess."

The older teens must have heard her come in, because they shuffled into the kitchen straightening their clothes and hair.

"Hi Leia!" Poe beamed. "This is my friend Jess!"

"Hi Ms. Organa. Nice to meet you."

"Hi Jess. Well, so you all are already eating. Great. So Kes and I don't have to cook tonight."

The boys' eyes met, for the first time without animosity, but full of worry.

"Um."

Jess threw herself on the grenade.

"It was just a little snack. It was my idea."

"It was like a contest," Kylo added.

"Kylo! You were _right_!" Poe cried.

What? If Poe was gonna throw him under the bus-

"We need four to break a tie! Leia, sit down, you have to tell us which one you like best!" He was already pulling out a chair, and plating the remaining quarters. "You want something to drink? Water? Uh, wine?"

Kylo kept a straight face, but it was hilarious to see Poe suddenly at his most charming in front of his mother. This was prime intel, right here.

 

In the end, there was no tie to break. Even Leia agreed that the best sandwich was the peanut butter and sauerkraut. And sriracha.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it looks like Jess is a Mary Sue, here, but Poe (and Kylo, in some ways) is the autobiographical character. Jess is one of those friends that had the annoying habit of being just as interested in my family as they were in me. Which eventually I grew to appreciate deeply, but at age 15-16 I interpreted as practically treason.
> 
> Also I had one or two "friends" like Hux, too :(


End file.
